Pushpins = Ideas

Yesterday it struck me that push-pins are like ideas. They are only useful when deployed. If they aren't doing the heavy-lifting, they just take up space.

Willpower Exercise Day Six

Break through today! Each day I've scheduled 3 things to start my day:

1. walk
2. journal
3. tacks

 But I've missed at least one from the list EVERY DAY. Today, I got all three done by 9a.m. and threw in a call to Toronto to talk with my book collaborator, Laura.

I sat at my desk to start my "tacky will-ups". My little squirrel brain tried to do so many things before I did my "will-ups" and I kept corralling my thoughts promising them, "I'll do that AFTER."Once I got started moving the tacks, I worried less about "perfect" and focused more on "doing."

Instead of worrying about the protocol around my tack task, I turned up the tunes, and counted each tack while saying "I will to will." The task was SOOOOOoooooooo much more enjoyable. I even chair danced! I also found that I've got 51 tacks in my box--wondering about the number had been something I'd brushed out of my consciousness as not as important as the DOING.
In my journal this morning I had written, "Just show up." It was one of the main life lessons I'd learned during my martial arts journey. I "just showed up" every night to class and after 5 years received a black belt in Aiki Ju Jitsu. Yes, it was hard work. Yes, I faced challenges, and got hurt, and sweated until my skin bubbled. But so long as I "just showed up" for class regardless of how healthy or inclined I felt, I'd overcome the hardest part of the journey and moved incrementally toward my goal.

Today, I was committed to the process regardless of what was happening in or around me. Today, I worried less about being perfect in my task, and focused more on feeling good while doing it--emphasis on doing it. But DOING IT was my commitment.

"Are you committed to your task, your goal, your desire? Are you in or are you out?" Simple and yet so hard. That's the key learning of my tack task today. Committing and acting in concert with your commitment are the key things. An attitude of contentment focuses you on the right mindset but can be hard to create. How you show up and what you get out of it changes every time you show up, and seems beyond the realm of influence at this point. For me at least. So, just showing up and doing gets you a loooong way. There's something else that's happening too, but I don't quite have my finger on it yet.

It's something around lifting the veil over who I really am vs. who I thought I was. But that's for another entry.

Willpower Exercise Day Five

I rushed a little. It took less than 5 minutes this time. I noticed that doing the declaration out loud helped me to notice my mind wandering. I had at LEAST one new thought between each tack. That's 50 different thoughts. Refocusing on the declaration and my contentment helped. But today, I felt no progress.

Will Power Exercise Day Four

I am trying to decide if I should declare that I took the weekend off from my will-ups, or pay penance and do 2 more tack-drops today...I'm feeling kinda busy, so let's say I took the weekend off and my penance is that I will carry the experiment forward an extra 2 days at the end.

It's still difficult manifesting contentment, focusing on dropping the tacks and nothing else, while declaring "I will to will." That said, it's slightly less difficult and slightly more enjoyable than it was at the start. At 1/3 into the task, I thought "This is taking FOREVER!" then I reminded myself "Maintain contentment!"

But at 2/3 into the box I thought, "Wow! I'm almost finished. That wasn't so bad." and my contentment increased all on its own. And when I had only 4 tacks left, I super slowed down, as I was enjoying the focus. Maybe there's hope for me at last!

Willpower Exercise Day Three

I did not start my day with this, but fitted it in just after my afternoon run. I say "afternoon run" like I do this all the time, or maybe even have a morning or evening run. Fact is, that I have wanted to start a consistent running programme for many many moons. Don't know if my "will-ups" are strengthening my will and improving other habits or not. Too early to tell.

Today, still more mind chatter around doing the exercise WHILE doing the exercise. But contentment was easier. Likely, the endorphins from running had a part to play in that.

In mediation classes, I've been told to just watch my thoughts drift in and out like clouds. That never works for me. My thoughts are more like wild horses charging across an endless plain. The horses can be corralled though, and I can watch them, figure out which one I want to ride when, and then take action. I wouldn't try to ride 2 horses at once, but that's exactly what I have done with my thoughts. Ride one for a little, then get distracted when the next comes snorting and stomping its hooves.

What if that's what the "will-ups" exercise is partially about? Hold one thought, or one tack, or one horse, and ride it into action, or the box or the corral.

Will Power Exercise Described

Here's a summary of what I'm doing:
1. Exercise will. The article I read suggests "cultivating the feeling of contentment" while exercising will, and it gives full directions. In short, take a pile of 50 small somethings: pennies, thumb tacks, beads, whatever is small. "Drop them slowly and deliberately into a box one by one, with a feeling of contentment and satisfaction, declaring with each movement, 'I will to will.'" We're urged to watch our thoughts as we do this task as a form of working meditation I suppose. When complete, write our observations so that we can mark our progress doing this over 7 consecutive days. The writing is what I'm doing on the blog.

Willpower Exercise Day Two

I was really looking forward to moving 50 tacks from my desk into a box. I'm taking this very seriously. I re-read the instructions to clarify some things I had become unsure of, lit a candle, took a photo and started.

At first it was easy to maintain an attitude of contentment because I was so looking forward to this exercise. Then I thought, "Maybe I'm supposed to say 'I will to will' outloud?" So I tried that. It was like an incantation for a spell. Much more powerful said outloud. I found that the more I focused on the task, the quieter my vocalizations became. I had to remember to say them out LOUD.

I also resisted the urge to speed up and do the job quickly. It's supposed to take 10 minutes and in all, it took 4.5. Again, thoughts swarmed my head like mosquitoes to bare flesh. The more I tried to empty my thoughts the more they seeped in. My mind abhors a near vacuum it seems. I developed a character for some imaginary novel I might write one day WHILE putting the tacks into the box, and noticing their sharpness, their simple construction, their smooth surface and shine.

Again, focus on contentment and "I will to will". I still am not sure what that phrase means, other than the only reason that I'm doing this exercise/experiment, is to see if I can strengthen my will.
I'm starting to appreciate that the will holds focus on a specific task or direction, and that a strong will will hold its focus until the task is finished. It's almost like a shield or a force field which resists letting other thoughts take hold and redirect. Thoughts bounce through, but don't stick.

I can see that doing this exercise daily, I could get bored if I weren't really paying attention to all the inner chatter and workings of my mind. That if I get better at not just shielding my thoughts, but slowing them, or eliminating those not task-focused, I will feel quite delighted. That skill, that state of being, would be a lovely one to cultivate. Perhaps that's part of the power of will, that singular state of one-ness with the task. But I get ahead of myself. Tomorrow's another day.

p.s. After writing this entry, I looked at the other two entries about the Will and it struck me, "I wonder if the will is like a backbone that keeps all the actions in alignment?" Those of you who have a strong will, what do you know?

Wanna try? Directions here.

Willpower Exercise Day One

Ok, that was WILD! A simple task: take 50 push pins and put them into a box while holding a state of contentment and satisfaction, and repeating the phrase "I will to will". Then record what you noticed.

I noticed how many other thoughts went through my head in the short time. First I wanted to take a picture of the pins to show you. That meant I had to not get distracted by my other photos on iPhoto or my iPhone, not get distracted by arranging them perfectly on the journal.

Thoughts that went through my head just BEFORE starting were things like, "I'm cold I need a blanket" I grabbed one. "I'm still cold I need slippers." I didn't grab them and now my feet aren't so cold. "I need to find a better box to count these pins into." I looked at 2 other options before saying to Self, "Finish this task." I dropped a tack on the carpet and noticed it blended in well with the sisal weave.

While putting the tacks into the box and while saying to myself in my head "I will to will", I had myriad thoughts fly through like, "they are so shiny", "they are so sharp", "I should focus on the task", "I am going to fast/slow", "What does this statement 'I will to will' really mean? My nephew's name is Will."

And other similar tangential thoughts. Crazy! So much busy-ness that was NOT ON TASK.
Holding the state of contentment and satisfaction while staying on task was not successful. I had it at the start, then wondered if it would be better if I smiled. Then I got caught up in all the aforementioned thoughts and forgot the contentment. I regained it at the end with the final tack, when I super slowed-down. But I sustained contentment for less than the time it took to pick up the tack and drop in the box. Other thoughts came in in the meantime. Who knew that my brain was so active?!

I can see that this focusing will take some practice. What was interesting in a horrifying and terribly "that makes sense" kind of way, was how many other things crossed my mind to do before tackling this. I have given in to so many of the distracting thoughts in the past. Starting to see that strengthening will is about focus and see the wisdom of "finish what you've started".

If you've tried this, let me know what you found.