On Facebook today I stumbled on a force of nature: Andrea Balt. Thank you Michelle Kiist for introducing me to her! I was drawn by this quote--I mean who can resist the word "weirdness":

I was then lured in by 11 Super Powers You Didn't Know You Had. #2 spoke to me and I want to work it into a collage for my office wall so that my coachees will see it behind me during our sessions:

"2. The Power of Choice. You don’t work for anyone other than your higher self. Other hierarchies are just imitation. Slavery begins in the mind and it consists in choosing to believe that you have no choice. Choice is the on/off button of our power. Every second of our life is really, just a choice to live it one way or another. There is no ultimate reality. We choose that reality time after time, based on one belief or another, which we also have the power to choose or un-choose.

The molten lava at the heart of life is nothing but raw energy. It’s up to us the way we let it burn us." Andrea Balt.

Wow. That's a good mini manifesto! Choose consciously.

My nephew, who received his drivers license last year, just gave the speech of a lifetime. It was delivered to his fellow upper-classmates at Appleby College, but really, its wisdom has a place in any classroom or boardroom. Just substitute, "this place" or "your life" any time he says Appleby and see if I'm not right.

You don't have to be a proud aunt to cry at the simple beauty of this message do you?
Ok, maybe you do, but lemme tell you I'm so proud of the person he has become. Now, when you open the door, say "Hi" and introduce yourself. The world will feel a whole lot friendlier.

TEDx Waterloo

I am thrilled to be included in the list of amazing speakers and speeches on the TED.com website!
Thank you to Matt Gorbet and the team in Waterloo who all made it happen.

If you haven't seen the talk, please check it out along with the lifetime's worth of inspiration at
http://tedxtalks.ted.com

Collaboration

Collaboration is my mantra for this quarter. Everything on which I have been dragging my heels has remarkably moved forward under collaboration.

What If's new brand had been mired in development for almost 18 months. While browsing in a local bookstore, I see some greeting cards which remind me of a friend's artwork and think, "I'd like to work with her on a project." I call her up, we meet, and I find the momentum to evolve the brand.

Working with the local artist then leads me to my favourite art gallery where her husband works. I drop in to say Hi but he's not there. Instead I get talking with the gallery owner about her upcoming show--it's brilliant and exciting. We brainstorm how to capture the essence of the exhibit for posterity. She's delighted with the enthusiasm and ideas. Later, I ask her to advise me on my brand. "Poof!" She comes up with an enlightened perspective that will take the visual brand from simply decorative to enriching narrative--completely in alignment with the experience we are shooting for with the evolved brand.

My friend Grace and I have been speaking each week to move my passion projects forward a little more each week. I would be nowhere without her keen mind, fresh ideas,enthusiasm and regular check ins.

For 5-6 years I've been stuck with too many ideas for books I'd like to write. I've developed 5 outlines over the years and committed to none. Then I read a friend's wife's blog and thought "she's the perfect one to write a book with". We're 3 weeks in and have already created an incredible amount (more on the book later). Collaborating with Laura is WAY better than starting a writing club which is what I was thinking about doing. More writing and less organizing of others this way. Plus we laugh a lot.

Same with my fitness-collaboration is golden there too. Working out or exercising on my own is soooo uninspiring. I spend hours by myself already and for an extrovert, too much alone time is enervating. Since January I have P90X'd with my friend Vicki, kayaked with my friend Barb, cycled with Heather and Martha, hiked with Doon (who is training for Kilimanjaro) and all of a sudden, I'm fitter, lighter, happier, and more energetic all from collaborating with friends on exercise that brings as all closer to our goals. Fantastic!

So my mantra will continue as my operating principle into this next quarter. It seems to be working for me. What's your mantra for this quarter? Or even today?

Stress

We all have different responses to stress. Several couples, myself included, are trying to sort out the separation of stuff and $. It can take a LOT of energy or a little depending on the people and the approach. It's extremely hard to come back from icky, so setting parametres or goals or intentions for how to split can be helpful.

For example you can set the intention that throughout the parting process as well as afterward both individuals wish to be as psychologically, emotionally, physically, financially, and socially healthy as possible, then you "design" your process with that outcome in mind. No fear evoked so no fear response required. More a "gather and tend" response which stress researchers say females prefer because of the way estrogen, and stress hormones cortisol & norepinephrine interact. (Abstract here).

If you set the intention that "I'm going to make you act or feel a particular way," you might have an icky mess on your hands as the fight, flight, or freeze response kicks in--testosterone mixing with cortisol and norepinephrine. Similar results show up with the "If I ignore it, it will go away," stress response.

I've had a $500 divorce where the first intention was invoked. The parting was mutually respectful where no one tried to take advantage of the other.

In my current split, we've become polarized in the Tiger and Turtle paradigm--one drawn into a protective shell with the the other pawing at the shell. Frustrating and hard to change the dynamic of.

Listening to Imogen Heap's song "Shine" on her Leave Me to Love CD, these two lyrics really struck me as descriptive of the dynamic we're in:

"Crawling through a brick wall is hard to say the least." No kidding! A brick wall calls for dynamite or a ladder.

"Yes sir, yes sir 3 bags full. It's easier to say 'yes' than say 'no' to a fool." Which is to say that if you want easy, you gotta let the fool take the lead. Hmmm.
So, where's the ladder...do I have to build it or merely discover it?

Courage and Tenderness

I just noticed that my last two blogs have to do with courage. We have Irshad Manji's "Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is the recognition that some things are more important than fear," and we have Dr. Brene Brown's "Courage is the ability to tell the whole story of who you are with your whole heart." 

One of the things that is more important than fear is telling the true story of yourself. To tell who you are with your whole heart everyday and in every action.

Something I am learning to do more and more is to not control others' reaction by controlling what I tell them in order to make them feel or think anything. I'm starting to really value the opposite of "making" someone do or feel. The opposite seems to be about exhibiting, yielding and surrendering to tenderness. I'm mindfully cultivating more tenderness with myself and others, and mindfully grateful to receive another's tenderness with me.


In these months since Michael and I have split, I have received such uncommon tenderness from new and old friends (and yes, a lover) that I know to my core the power of such a gift. Tenderness unlocks my fear, shame, anger, guilt, pride, and has released me to be free to receive, create, feel, and share joy, love, gratitude, grace, peace and the innermost corners of myself. There is nothing to do in the face of tenderness than to surrender to it. Yield to tenderness. Be tender with another. That's good medicine.

Canmore, Alberta

I live in the most amazing town! In one week's span I can:

-take a workshop on book binding and creation given by the endlessly creative Dea Fischer. Find her blog here http://thestarbook.wordpress.com/ 

-learn about permaculture and help to design a community garden Visual Meeting Notes on Prezi

-hear live music at any number of venues--including my home. We've got Cosy Sheridan and TR Ritchie coming on Wednesday http://www.cosysheridan.com/listen.htm

-sample excellent wines at the Canmore Wine Merchants

-hike up Cougar Creek through a canyon to a milky blue cascade of ice. Thanks Denny Pratt for photo

-eat hand made truffles at Le Chocolatier or drink coffee flavoured stout at the Grizzly Paw

-skate on the outdoor pond with heated benches

-ski along wooded trails at the Nordic Centre  or even ski to Banff on Goat Creek trail

-eat a fabulous meal at innumerable eateries

-see mountain culture films like Mi Chacra at the Banff Centre

-watch the AJHL Eagles battle the Olds Grizzlys

-walk little white fluffy dogs along a frozen river

-get an energy treatment from Rose Reeder that'll clear out the emotional ghosts that haunt you

-massage out body tightness with Lu Duce at Wilflower--she's remarkable, or extremely knowledgeable Lisa Rummel--yes related to the famous Lizzy Rummel!

-oh, and did I mention dancing freely at the Canmore Hotel to the blues legend Sonny Rhoads?!

-or hanging with friends, doing charades or playing Monopoly

-or just renting a movie and snuggling on the couch

If you are an ice climber, good on you. There's that too. And knitting circles/clubs, avalanche training, wilderness first aid, and comparative religions courses. It's hard to choose.

It's an incredible place my Canmore.

Toxic Beauty

Two weeks ago I bought new Pantene conditioner and gel. I used each ONCE and was chain-sneezing all day before rushing home to wash it all out. Curious about what was in the products which caused my body to reject it, I stumbled on this great short film about the Story of Cosmetics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfq000AF1i8

It confirmed my spidey sense, horrified me and got me curious to learn more about what I'm washing my body with. Now first, you should know that I'd stopped using shampoo because the sodium lauryl sulfate is so drying to my hair. SLS is a skin irritant and the bubbles are bad for fish. I also had given-up antiperspirant a long time ago because of aluminum,  & use deodorant only for important arm-waving events. 

I found lists and lists, studies and studies on-line that indicate that much of what is in our self-care products is not just harmful, but carcinogenic or even toxic to humans. The cosmetic industry is self-regulating, meaning that although toothpaste maybe in my mouth and lipstick licked off, they aren't regulated like food and drink are.

The popular brand toothpaste I use has 3 known carcinogens in it!!! Check out the items in your beauty routine at http://www.cosmeticsdatabase.com. Hair dye is the worst! I'm researching products healthier than Aveda, which was my go-to standard 6/10. My old brand was a 10!

One thing you need to know is that cosmeticdatabase doesn't factor in the quantity of the ingredients, just their presence. My friend's baby lotion rated a 6/10 with 10-level toxicity being the equivalent of snuggling a pet rat during the Black Plague and she was slathering this stuff all over her newborn daily! so go and check your cupboard. Remember if you are ditching toxic stuff, it doesn't just go into landfill or down the drain!

You can learn more about the chemicals here:

http://safecosmetics.org

and

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/

and

gorgeouslygreen.com  (passcode: Goddess) 

Be healthy and well!

Marty