Asking for Help

A very cool, very able group of women I regularly meet with were talking about how hard it is to ask for help. The excuses flying were: it’s more work to get the help, being unable to ask, having no one to ask, and no one else does it well enough.

One wise woman suggested that it was because of the story we'd seen play out with our own mothers not asking. She suggested that we break the pattern by asking for help from those around us. Afterall, it's the advice we give to others, "Ask for help."

I've been trying to get better at that each year/month/ day. Every time I ask, I am rewarded. Every time I ask, I give others a chance to give me something I really need too. My mom has been a great helper of others in her life, but gives us little opportunity to reciprocate. That leaves us all impoverished.

Also, there's a great study detailed in a really dull book called See Jane Win. The book tries to correlate success influences in the upbringing of 1000 successful women. They looked at education (private, public, post secondary), social strata, town size, birth order, religious beliefs, single parent, double parent etc The one thing, let me repeat, the ONE THING that was common to all successful women was that they had done chores as kids. The researchers proffer that doing chores is esteem building. So there, build your kids' esteem and give them chores!!!

Valentine's Day

Cupid's day is winging our way and I've decided to bomb my friends with love. Shh. Don't tell any of them, but I'm going to send homemade valentines declaring my love for them. Sure, I used to do this in grade 4, when Scooby Doo and The Banana Splits ruled the punched-out-heart world.

A wee bit older now, I can craft my own messages and deposit them unseen under the cover of darkness to be opened. I'll start with those who live furthest away. I should be able to hit friends in Australia. What about those gypsy-friends who live on buses and planes? Hmm, now I understand why cupid has to fly, and why he needs an arrow and boots with good treads.

Trish's Way

On Christmas day just passed, Trish left her body to become purely spirit.

Even while in her body, she was mostly spirit anyway. She lived as we all wish to live--fully, completely, radiating love, patience, understanding while being playful, curious, provocative, confident, and fun. She ran at life with arms wide open, head tilted with a sly smile. She was wisdom shared by stories and always by showing. I learned how to be a more compassionate and understanding parent just by hearing how Trish kept a spare pair of tights at her day-home for Lauren to wear when the posse of kids were going outside on a cold day when Lauren had worn pants to Trish's.

Apparently even at 4 years old Lauren had definite ideas about what she wanted to wear, and pants were too bunchy and scratchy under snow pants. Tights and skirts were "it". So instead of having a debate about it, Trish honoured Lauren. So easy to do, but how often do we try to impose our will, our logic on little people? Big people too.

I have spent so little time with Trish that I didn't know the names of all her children, nor her father or mother. At her funeral on Saturday I spent an hour in the company of her closest friends and family, heard their stories and saw pictures of this remarkable person in life.

During the celebration, my stepdaughter, now 12 years old, sat on my lap and sobbed. Her mouth making "cuh cuh cuh" sounds while her body hiccupped with grief against mine. That too was a gift from Trish. That intimate sharing that comes with fully holding someone.

Each time I freed my left hand from being clasped under Lauren's to wipe tears hanging onto my cheek, Lauren would pull my hand back down under hers as if to complete our circuit.

Our "rainbow connection" just like Kermit sang at your funeral,Trish.
I won't forget you Trish. You were here to change lives, and you did it with beauty and grace. What grace! Thank you.

LGMS Takes Action on 350

I was so proud of the students at Lawrence Grassi Middle School on Friday. Nancy Pollard and Lee Luders classes joined forces to call for hard caps on CO2 emissions. The Mayor, Ron Casey, and Councilor Pam Hilstad joined the students and media in the first 350 action in Canmore Alberta! Leadership in action. See all about it on Flickr stream or YouTube.

I brought the chalk & rustled up the banners before breakfast.

Heath Bunting's Day Planning

At Interactive Screen this year, I met Heath Bunting, along with a bunch of really inspired folks.
Heath's a retired artist who's artfully living his life. While in Banff, he built a rope swing, got really good at throwing rocks, and joined me on a paddle down the Bow River as well as a hike to Bourgeau Lake. On the hike we talked about his Day Planning approach and I downloaded his little book. I highly recommend grabbing it.

http://diffusion.org.uk/?p=31

He makes a great point that if you plan your day and execute effectively, you can spend more time the way you intend, "A day plan can be used to ring fence time and place for personal pleasure and growth." Isn't that much better than a work To Do list as long as your thigh?

What I really like is that Heath encourages thinking about the landmark or locations where you want to be, as well as the actions. Something that makes huge sense in the mountains where I live, is having a day plan for good weather and one for bad.

The location thing is great because certain places evoke certain actions and moods. Mapping the locations and your movement through them helps to make the day seem real before you execute it, and helps pre-experience what your intention will deliver. Try it! Map out what you want to do, and get to it.

Red and Pink Day with Tessa

My 5-year old neighbour has become my new best friend. She came over a few days ago and I couldn't play with her as I was deep into something. So I suggested that we plan a play date the next day. We themed it Red Day--all items worn, ingested, used, needed to be red.

I was so excited that night as I purchased strawberries, watermelon, red-berry juice, and strawberry wafer cookies for us to munch on! The next day, while Tessa was taking her big sister to school, I ran over to her house and drew a big chalk arrow on the sidewalk to my house along with the words, "Tessa, go here for fun...keep going....almost there....turn here..." Well, imagine the fun we had!

We went hunting for beavers on the Bow River, threw rocks in the river for the dog, paddled across an estuary in the kayak for a picnic only to get our boots sucked off our feet by the shoreline's mud monsters. So we turned around later eating lunch while sitting riverside on top of the red table cloth we threw over top the giant Flat Rock before searching for signs of fairies using magic fairy dust my mom sent me a couple years ago. Fantastic! We had a blast.

It's soooooo important to have recess.

Vanity

I've been re reading The Valkyries by Paulo Coelho. I visited his blog today and he asked for submissions about the up side of Vanity. It got me thinking. This is the comment that I left on his blog:

30 years ago, while in high school, my vanity gave me an inflated sense of my worth. I had mistaken my self to be more important, greater than my friendship with a gentle, shy girl who had befriended me on my first day.

I publicly betrayed her and hurt her with unkind words. And I felt smaller, not larger as I had expected. I shrank before the eyes of my classmates, and my soul shriveled like an over-dried fig.

In that moment, I found something I had missed, that became my greatest friendship: Empathy. Without Vanity, I might have never found Empathy.